Thank You

Some time ago after a friend confided in me about his depression I sent out a rather blunt email to far to many people but included in the email was the people I wanted to reach without pointing a finger, those people that had a hand in my friends depression. Since then he has recovered and seems to be progressing well. If anyone treated him with greater respect because of my rather indiscreet email Thank you.

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I know most of you getting this message will think that I am being overly
particular that what I am about to object to is a normal part of life, the
truth is it shouldn't be, and that is my complaint.
Normally I don't quote the bible. I don't quote it because I am no real
expert on it and I find those that frequently do are generally pompous.
However, this incidence requires it.
In my view the following words of Jesus Christ are very important (Mat 7:1)
"Do not judge lest you be judged." .
I recently had a friend that talked to me about how sad he was (even
suicidal) because the world at large found him too fat, not bright enough,
kind of misshaped ( he has a very visible deformity ).
Of course I told him that all of this didn't matter, that being fat was no
crime, that he was by no means unintelligent, and that his deformity did not
need to be covered up or reduced.
To myself however I knew that a large number of even my closest friends
would not agree.
How often have I heard idiots say hurtful things like "how can a person let
themselves get that fat" and "he's a nice guy, but he isn't very bright?"
and "he should at least do something to minimize that [deformity] of his"
Okay this entire nonsense gets me more than irate.
1. He eats to much because he is depressed. Why is he depressed because he
has to deal with the morons that criticize him, so the more hurtful things
you say to him the more he eats . So what if he dies earlier because he has
heart troubles at least the food gave him some enjoyment he didn't get from
his so-called friends.
Whose fault is it now.
2. He's not unintelligent he is just depressed and that will effect how
bright you appear.
Again who is responsible for his depression (oh yes the self righteous of
you will say that he controls his own emotions, to that I say, bull. If you
say something hurtful and don't expect someone to react negatively then you
are pretty damn stupid)
3. Just because he has a deformity does not mean he has to hide it, just who
has the right to say that his deformity is ugly.
Personally the ugly people to me are those that would criticize his
deformity.
I have had enough. If I hear one more person say something hurtful about him
I am going to say exactly what I think and friendship be damned. I don't
need friends like that.
People you have to be accountable for your words.
If he does commit suicide I am going to remind each person that said
something mean, and I am going to call you up on it. If you think you can
speak without thinking or pass judgement without true self examination,
forget it. Personally I will not let any of my friends get away with judging
others without their own faults being also raised up to scrutiny.
And this applies to anyone else you may pass judgement on to. I want real
friends, not those that are friends because it entertains them.

I love my friends I will not judge them and I will not let them be judged or
ridiculed or bullied or in any way be made to feel of less value than the
rest of you, even in a so-called kind way. If however someone passes
judgement on another of my friends then "lest you be judged" comes into
play.



And I expect no less of myself. If I speak without thinking and say
something critical or mean of some one please for God sake tell me I am
being hurtful, yell at me if you must.

Now so that people do not feel that I am targeting them, I am sending this
to everyone on my mailing list. Even those that do not know my beautiful
intelligent uniquely shaped friend. Pardon my grammar. As you can tell from
my tone, I was not in a rational frame of mind when I typed this.

Unfortunately I have had to leave some people out of this mailing that might
desperately needed to read this, in order to protect my friend from further
ridicule.

Please take this seriously.
Bill Arends