I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much we really know each other, and frankly, the conclusion is a little unsettling: we don't know anyone. We might think we do—we certainly feel like we've got our spouses, parents, or best friends figured out—but that's often just a polished illusion we create. I’ve come to realize that we only ever interact with a carefully managed external profile of a person, never the person in their unedited entirety. Psychologists call this a form of "social construction of reality" (Berger & Luckmann, 1966), where what we perceive as real is heavily influenced by social interaction and interpretation. Our perception of a friend isn't just about them; it’s about how they behave around me, and how I interpret those behaviors through the lens of my own biases and history.
The farther I get from someone, the less accurate my judgment becomes. This seems obvious, but it has profound implications. If I see a stranger's public post or a celebrity's headline, I might form a quick, definitive opinion: a "ballpark figure judgment." But this judgment is pitifully shallow because it lacks the context and complexity that defines a human life (Goffman, 1959). I’m operating purely on the front stage performance, completely unaware of the back stage reality—the internal doubts, private negotiations, or silent struggles that truly motivate their actions. This lack of deep, internal knowledge means that any strong decision I form about a distant person is more a reflection of my own assumptions than their actual character.
Ultimately, the only person who can access the full breadth of one’s psychological landscape is that individual. Even those closest to me—people who have shared my life and history—may know very little about the critical turning points in my mind or the deepest parts of my spirit. There is an "unknowable self," a psychological core that remains perpetually hidden (Jung, 1968). That’s not a failure of intimacy; it’s just a fundamental, isolating truth of consciousness. I can share my stories, but I can never truly share my mind. It’s a sobering thought, but accepting this boundary actually makes me a more generous and less judgmental observer of the people around me. I can appreciate the mystery, knowing that everyone is, in some way, an impenetrable world.
Bibliography
Berger, P. L., & Luckmann, T. (1966). The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge. Doubleday.
Goffman, E. (1959). The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. Anchor Books.
Jung, C. G. (1968). Man and His Symbols. Dell Publishing.
Is there anything else I can adjust in this version before you post it, or would you like me to draft a caption for this Facebook article?
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