"Good day, everyone!
As most of my friends may know, from my social media presence, particularly on Facebook, I am a little... unfocused. But I actually have three main, unifying themes that I can’t stop talking about. They are the things everyone tells us to avoid discussing in polite company. Conspiracies Politics money and religion.
Here they are:
I despise conspiracy theories and the pseudo intelligent people who genuinely support them without being embarrassed
I object to the kind of right-wing politics that assumes billionaires are somehow going to save us all. (Go figure, right?)
I call out people who claim to be Christian but promote a version of Jesus who is profit-driven, power-hungry, immigrant-hating, and ready to condemn people to hell with a sword.
So, basically, I write and talk about the stuff we're all told we shouldn't. You won't find me posting pictures of my dinner at a restaurant or my dog—at least, not often and only if he eas biting peire polievres ass
.
Now, let's get back to breaking social rules.
Conspiracy Theorists: A Quick Poll
Conspiracy theorists—these are the folks most of us love to make fun of. Let's take a quick poll.
Raise your hand if you are over 18 and still live at home. (Okay, good crowd.)
Now, drop your hand if you don't have a basement room. (Wow, just two of you !)
Drop your hand if your mom or dad still makes your meals. (Nobody? Oh, come on.)
Drop your hand if you don't spend most of your time on social media. (Ha ha! I thought so.)
How many of you are conspiracy theorists? (Gotcha!) Here's some free advice: Get off social media. You're annoying.
Billionaires and Trickle-Down
Okay, for all our right-wing, billionaire supporters:
Raise your hand if you believe in supporting billionaires for public office. (A good crowd.)
Now, drop your hand if you don't believe in trickle-down economics. (Still a good crowd. You probably failed Economics 101, but no problem—I almost did, too!)
Now, drop your hand if you would not vote for Donald Trump. (Okay, that's better. We must be in Canada now.)
Finally, drop your hand if you have never personally seen a billionaire give a dime to a homeless person. (Okay, your hands are down you can all rest now.)
The Christian Pretenders
Okay, now let's look at the Christian pretenders.
Raise your hand if you think Jesus would vote for Donald Trump. (No, don't do that. I'm sorry, that was too easy.)
Instead, raise your hand if you are a proud Christian.
Now, drop your hand if you regularly give money to homeless people. (Wow, you're all still up!)butbat least you're honest
If you are proud of your own righteousness, raise your other hand. (Wow, it looks like a charismatic revival meeting in here!)
Drop one hand if you think Jesus is coming back specifically to "kick the asses of all the Commies." (Some of you good, you looked like you were getting tired.)
Now, drop your remaining hand if you think Jesus would actively endorse Donald Trump. (Wow, still up people, you seriously need to rethink your voting preferences.)
Finally, are you all proud of your chrisyianity raise your hands again just those who had thier hands up for jesus before? Would you proudly stand on this stage right now and declare, 'I am proud to be Christian!'? (I hear cheering!)
Now, would one of you be kind enough to read Luke 14:11 for me? You don't have your Bibles? That's fine, I do. It says:
'For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.'
That is a direct statement from Jesus. Oh, look at all those hands going down. Finally."
Thanks everyone go buy a beer and have a good night unless your a christian fundamentalist feel free to stay sober and be miserable.
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