Christianity is NOT as Easy as an Altar Call

If you can look down at your Bible and smile at every command that is given you. You're missing the point.

Oh, I love when we actually read the book instead of just using it as a coaster for our morning coffee. Everyone wants to talk about being a "New Testament Christian" until they actually look at what that requires. We’ve turned it into this comfortable, middle-class hobby, but if you actually open the text, it’s a manual for social and personal suicide.

​First of all, let’s talk about the "love your enemies" part. We aren't just talking about being polite to the guy who cut you off in traffic. We are talking about active, aggressive benevolence toward people who genuinely want to ruin your life. It’s an absolute bypass of every survival instinct we have. But sure, tell me more about how you’re "standing your ground" while claiming to follow a guy who said to turn the other cheek until your neck snaps.

​Then there’s the thought-police aspect. It wasn't enough to just not kill people or not cheat on your spouse. No, now if you’re even angry or looking too long, you’ve already failed. It’s a demand for 24/7 cognitive perfection that makes a monastic vow look like a weekend retreat. Good luck with that while scrolling through your feed for three hours a day.

​And don't even get me started on the money. We love to "interpret" the part about selling everything and giving it to the poor. We turn it into a metaphor because heaven forbid we actually threaten our retirement accounts or our 401ks. Apparently, it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into the kingdom, and last time I checked, living in a house with a roof and a fridge puts us all in the "camel" category.

​We talk about "taking up our cross" like it’s a piece of jewelry and not a slow, humiliating, public execution of our entire ego. It’s supposed to be total ego death, where your life isn't even yours anymore. Instead, we use it to justify our personal ambitions and our "best lives now."

​Finally, the family values we’re so obsessed with? The New Testament basically tells you to be ready to walk away from your parents and your kids if they get in the way of your allegiance. It’s a total disruption of the family unit for the sake of a radical calling. But yeah, keep telling me how it’s all about "comfort" and "tradition" while the actual text is over here screaming at us to dismantle our entire lives. It’s hilarious, really, if it weren't so terrifying.